18 Nov 2022

How Psychopaths Choose Their Victims AND HOW TO SAVE YOURSELF FROM THEM?

Ted Bundy, one of the most well-known female serial killers, claimed in one of the interviews that he could tell who would make a suitable victim by his method of approach.

Sociopaths or psychopaths are well-known individuals in our culture. These are the people suffering from Anti-Social Personality Disorder. They pick their victims depending on how easily they believe they can control them.

Do you know that not everyone is equally likely to become prey to such disordered people? Both psychopaths and their victims belong to a unique breed. Yes, that is true. People with greater psychopathy scores are more skilled at choosing victims. The weaker and more helpless members of society become the lambs, the targets of the wolves.

How do Psychopaths choose their Victims?

Psychopaths pick their victims depending on how easily they believe they can control them.

What was it about these people that gave off the impression that they were frail? An investigation revealed that psychopaths can interpret a range of nonverbal signs, such as the length of their steps, the way they shifted their posture, and the height at which they lifted their feet. Grayson and Stein (1981). Together, these indicators offered the psychopaths a rough idea of the level of personality their potential victims displayed. Lack of eye contact, fidgeting with the hands and feet, and avoiding making significant gestures when changing position are all examples of body language that conveys a lack of confidence, or being socially submissive.

Psychopaths enjoy encouraging traits in their prey that they can feed off, such as empathy, kindness, sincerity, warmth, etc., as well as some very particular flaws that they can later abuse, like self-doubt, innocent nature, naturally kind and generous nature, and excessively trusting and open nature. a tolerant nature, a tolerant nature, Lack of desire to "make a commotion" or stir things up, a lack of boundaries, a willingness to put up with unpleasant behavior, and so on.

Numerous factors might make someone vulnerable, including not receiving affection, encouragement, or affirmation from their family of origin; separation from family and friends, losing their job, being new to the area Desiring a relationship a strong desire to be noticed, approved of, or supported, unresolved victimization from the past, disease, ongoing stress, the passing of a loved one, a divorce, or a breakup, Boredom, the yearning for excitement increases when you're bored. Loneliness, if you're lonely, a psychopath may find a way into your life by taking advantage of your unmet social and emotional needs. 

Once they have found a potential victim, the psychopath starts the process of charming them, winning them over, and then playing the perfect partner to provide the impression of an intimate or perfectly matched relationship.

To make the victim dependent on them and undermine their self-esteem, the psychopath uses intermittent and inconsistent rewards.

The psychopath eventually loses interest and abandons the victim, moving on to someone else and frequently flaunting the new person in the victim's face to rub it in. The victim, who believed they had a genuine relationship with this person, is left with a lot of emotional wounds by the psychopath, who observed the entire process with a cool, amused detachment.

Most of the time, victims don’t even know that they’re victims until the perpetrator has already done using them.

How to save yourself from Psychopaths?

Fortunately, we can take steps to lessen our vulnerability as victims to them. Confidence that is expressed, for instance, through body language, voice, and affective expression, offers some safety. By increasing eye contact, reducing the use of smaller hand and foot movements, and increasing major body movements or changes in postural alignment, people might consciously project dominance in order to minimize perceived vulnerability. It is also said that one's likelihood of being victimized or bullied is reduced by conscious control of changes in affective expression, particularly victimized through regulation of fear, surprise, and humiliation as well as the rate, tone, and fluency of speech.

Even in circumstances where they feel safe, it is advised that people maintain the general projection of confidence via dominant body language. Potential offenders can interpret alterations in body language as signs of vulnerability and take appropriate action.

Click on the following link to read Read:14 Reasons Why Women Fall and Stay in Toxic Relationships. 👇



403 Forbidden. (n.d.). https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/extreme-fear/201010/how-psychopaths-choose-their-victims

Birch, A. (2021, June 29). Traits of the Psychopath’s Victim. Psychopaths and Love. https://psychopathsandlove.com/traits-of-the-psychopaths-victim/

How Psychopaths Choose & Groom Their Victims. (2021, July 28). Psychopaths in Life. https://psychopathsinlife.com/how-psychopaths-choose-groom-their-victims/

Sinclair, G. (2019, November 28). How And Why Psychopaths Choose Their Victims. Awareness Act. https://awarenessact.com/how-and-why-psychopaths-choose-their-victims/

Studies show that psychopaths choose their victims according to the way they walk! (n.d.). Dazzling News. https://www.dazzling.news/a2608/studies-show-that-psychopaths-choose-their-victims-according-to-the-way-they-walk

Wellington, B. (2018, June 7). How do psychopaths “choose” their victims? - Bob Wellington. Medium. https://medium.com/@bobwellington101/how-do-psychopaths-choose-their-victims-b227d7b0ef14

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1 Nov 2022

What is Purloin Gaslighting in Narcissistic abuse?

A narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by a recurring pattern of grandiosity, thoughts of having unrestricted power or importance, and a desire for, admiration, attention, and recognition or special treatment. (Kacel et al., 2017). 

Gaslighting is a type of psychological deception that attempts to instill doubt in the mind of a target person or members of a target group by leading them to doubt their own memory, perception, and sanity. (Petric, 2018)

Purloining means fraudulently taking something, often through a betrayal of trust. (“Purloin,” n.d.)

To fulfill this desire and to keep their ego intact they do Purloin Gaslighting. Purloin Gaslighting is a form of Gaslighting done by Narcissistic people in abusive relationships. 

Purloin Gaslighting has 4 forms:-
  1. Narcissists publically share the credit for the work/achievement that has been done/gained solely by their victims, and the narcissist has clearly no contribution to it. They do this, without the victim’s consent, either on the face of the victim or behind their back. This causes feelings of frustration and betrayal in the victim.
  2. Narcissists privately share the credit for the work/achievement that has been done/gained solely by their victims, and the narcissist has clearly no contribution to it. They do this on the face of the victim to make them feel crazy and frustrated.
  3. They publically take full credit for the work they did together as a team with their victim, again without their consent in public, either on the face of the victim or behind their back. This causes feelings of frustration and betrayal in the victim.
  4. They privately take full credit for the work they did together as a team with their victim, again without their consent in public, on the victim’s face to make them feel crazy and frustrated. 
Narcissists promote themselves (the admiration pathway) or degrade others (the rivalry pathway). (Grapsas et al., 2020)


  1. Grapsas, S., Brummelman, E., Back, M. D., & Denissen, J. A. (2020). The “Why” and “How” of Narcissism: A Process Model of Narcissistic Status Pursuit. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 15(1), 150-172. https://doi.org/10.1177/1745691619873350

  2. Kacel, E. L., Ennis, N., & Pereira, D. B. (2017). Narcissistic Personality Disorder in Clinical Health Psychology Practice: Case Studies of Comorbid Psychological Distress and Life-Limiting Illness. Behavioral medicine (Washington, D.C.), 43(3), 156. https://doi.org/10.1080/08964289.2017.1301875

  3. Petric, D. (2018). Gaslighting and the knot theory of mind. Research Gate. https://doi.org/10.13140/RG.2.2.30838.86082

  4. purloin. (n.d.). In The Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary. Retrieved November 1, 2022, from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/purloin

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What is Gaslighting? Why do People Gaslight? What are the effects of Gaslighting on the Victim?

If you distrust yourself and doubt your memory and your ability to perceive reality correctly, every time you have a conversation with a particular person, you might be getting gaslighted by this person. Please read this blog till the end to understand what’s going on here.

What is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse when a person or group of individuals makes another question their own sanity, memories, or perception of reality.

The term gaslighting comes from a 1938 play, “Gas Light”, and its subsequent film adaptation, in which the husband secretly makes changes around his wife and then blames her for either noticing the changes or making them.  

Narcissistic people gaslight their victims to label them as crazy, insane, and unstable, to keep them under perfect control, and isolate them from the rest of society to facilitate abuse and to protect themselves.

Common phrases of white lies used during gaslighting are “I didn't do that”,” it never happened”,” you did it”,” I was joking”,” you are making an issue out of nothing”,” you are overreacting”,” you are too sensitive”,” you have problems with everyone”,” you made me hurt you”,” you should seek help” and so on.

Gaslighting involves the following components:-

  1. Denying(of what they have done)

  2. Diverting(changing the topic to shift focus on the victim like blaming the victim’s mental illness for their own behavior or calling them too sensitive, too observant, unstable, crazy, and so on). It makes the victim feel weak and stupid in a conversation. So the victim starts to put efforts into proving themselves innocent and sane instead of talking about the original issue which was about the abuser.

  3. Selective Amnesia(forgetting selective things that they have done to others while clearly remembering things done by others and sometimes making up things that were actually never done or said by anyone.

  4. Acting Stupid/Dumb(like pretending to not understand what is hurtful about their behavior)

Sometimes flying monkeys recruited by a narcissistic abuser also gaslight knowingly or unknowingly.

Gaslighting can take place in Parent-child relationships, and intimate relationships, there is medical gaslighting, racial gaslighting, political gaslighting, spiritual gaslighting, and institutional gaslighting.

Why do people Gaslight?

Gaslighting is a very complex and insidious strategy used by narcissistic people to sow the seeds of doubt in the mind of the victim. A gaslighter deceives a group or individual by persuading them with a false narrative, which leads them to doubt their perceptions and become confused, disoriented, or disturbed.

Gaslighting isn’t always intentional. We have all probably gaslighted someone unintentionally at some point due to our ignorance or lack of understanding of a certain subject.

However, people with narcissistic tendencies or personality disorders like NPD, ASPD, or BPD intentionally gaslight others for power gain or as a survival mechanism socially learned from their own gaslighter parents or caregivers by suffering or witnessing while growing up.

The purpose of intentional gaslighting is to undermine resistance, destroy optimism, project an air of innocence, and create chaos and confusion in the mind of the "gaslight-tee." 

Narcissistic people gaslight to keep the people around them aligned with their false sense of reality, save their fragile egos, and cope with the anxiety of facing their own ugliness.

What are the effects of Gaslighting on the victim?

The term “Gaslighting” was previously described as  “to manipulate someone so extremely as to create mental disease or to justify the commitment of the gaslighted person to a psychiatric facility” but is now used more generically. 

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, gaslighting is currently defined as the psychological manipulation when a person's "perception of reality" is called into question, creating "dependence on the offender."

Effects of gaslighting are only viable when the audience is weak, such as in situations of uneven power or afraid of the losses involved in confronting the false narrative.

The gaslighted person becomes anxious, confused, and doubtful of themselves.

Persistent gaslighting that is done on purpose can severely damage the self-esteem and mental well-being of the gaslighted victim.

Gaslighting causes chronic stress and severe mental distress. Victims’ sense of identity, personality, and self-confidence gradually erode due to the relentless bombardment of verbal (and occasionally physical) assaults, which also slowly chip away at their sanity.

It is easy to gaslight those who have a mental health condition that lowers their defenses, such as a history of abuse or trauma, low self-esteem, or despair. This is why gaslighting in an abusive relationship is dangerous.

If you or someone you know is facing gaslighting, please seek professional help and create boundaries with the gaslighter. Avoid people, places, situations, and mental processes that make you feel gaslighted.

Have a great day!


  1. 403 Forbidden. (n.d.). Retrieved November 1, 2022, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/gaslighting

  2. DoctorRamani. (2019, April 22). What’s Gaslighting? (Individual, tribe, and societal gaslighting) - Dr. Ramani Durvasula [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UTS5XsZe9Jg

  3. DoctorRamani. (2020, April 3). What is “gaslighting”? (Glossary of Narcissistic Relationships) [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bVBdWSPXyRw

  4. DoctorRamani. (2021, May 16). This is something you probably didn’t know was gaslighting. . . [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLsH2NJD1Vo

  5. MedCircle. (2020, June 16). How to Spot the Hidden Signs Someone Is Gaslighting [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FISZshe9L3s

  6. psycom.net. (n.d.). Retrieved November 1, 2022, from https://www.psycom.net/gaslighting-what-is-it

  7. Rivera, D. (2020, October 28). The Psychology of Gaslighting: Here’s What You Need to Know. Archive. https://blog.darlingmagazine.org/the-psychology-of-gaslighting-heres-what-you-need-to-know/

  8. Walker, P. (2013). Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood Trauma (1st ed). CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform.

  9. What Is Gaslighting and Why Is It so Dangerous? (2017, October 16). HuffPost. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/what-is-gaslighting-and-why-is-it-so-dangerous_b_59e43a1ae4b02e99c58357f0

  10. Wikipedia contributors. (2022, October 31). Gaslighting. Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting

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