13 Jun 2021

Love Bombing in Narcissism and How To Survive It!

Love bombing is an intermittent phase that alternates with narcissistic abuse. Especially in intimate partner relationships. A narcissistic abuser isn't always abusive. The relationship doesn't comprise of only extreme abuse on a continuous basis but alternates with extreme love and care expressing phases known as love-bombing or idealizing phases.

Abuser when feels threatened of something like losing control over the victim, getting exposed or getting faced off completely in front of the victim then they love bomb to make others, victim and outsiders, doubt their perception of reality of them being an abusive person.

They are as we all know master manipulators. Though they are not capable of fully feeling the emotions of others they are able to identify them intellectually and use them to get their way by manipulating their victims.

When the victim finally realizes that their partner is a narcissist and is incapable of changing then they turn their empathy switch on to play with emotions of their victim into confusing them or brainwashing them into believing that either narcissism doesn't exist or if it does then they aren't ones. They purposely do very loving caring acts, especially the kind their victims always expect them to do on normal regular days. They do this very intensely and forcefully even if the victim tries to resist it. This act of forcing love or care is itself a sign of toxicity but since the victims are trauma bonded to their abusers for a long time they just let it happen and keep enjoying it while self-doubting and Gaslighting themselves.

When a victim has nowhere to go they try to actually enjoy the love-bombing even when they are aware of it realizing that that is the only form of pleasure they can get from that relationship and current life situation. At least for those moments they feel calm, relaxed, loved, wanted and safe. Knowing that that is the only way to get those feelings and rejecting them can cause more distress than before motivates them to go with the flow for the time being.

Victims if have no other place and person to go away from the abuser have to tolerate love bombing and abuse alternately. But the more they get absorbed in the false emotions and feelings of love bombing the more they feel hurt and betrayed not just by the abuser but also by themselves afterward as soon as the next abusive or discard phase starts.

Hence it is advised to let the love-bombing happen but do not actively participate in it by trying to have deep emotional conversations and future plannings and sharing and other emotional details or secrets of other areas of life or your feelings for them and relationship. Be there physically but not mentally and emotionally. Keep reminding yourself of what is actually happening around you and have your back. Keep loving yourself and supporting yourself. Keep forgiving yourself for any emotional involvements and distract yourself emotionally from things that serve your personal growth. While being away from the abuser during the love-bombing phase work on bonding with kids and focus on your healing and growth. And last but not least don't make it very easy for them to give you presents as they have strings attached. Instead, get those pending jobs done you wanted them to do for a long time, like those material things that were always their responsibility in the family towards household and kids but they never cared to do them.

As they cannot change, especially the ones high on the scale of narcissism, try moving away safely. It's okay to leave everything behind. By God's grace, you can build up a new life as soon as you start healing after reaching a place safe for your physical and mental health. Till then find resources on how to survive and be safe with them.

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