10 Ways In Which A Narcissist Makes You Regret Having A Conversation With Them.

It is rightly said that if you want to win an argument/fight with a narcissist, then the best way is not to have one. What this very popularly accepted suggestion from victims and professionals in the field of psychology reflects about a narcissist's behavior is that they are almost impossible to deal with during a conversation. They see the people around them either as a "threat" or as a"prey". They get insecure, offended, and hurt in a blink of an eye. They get very angry when they are made to face the truth about their wrongdoings. Their inflated sense of grandiosity makes it impossible for them to see the basic human rights of others for having respect and safety. They feel that people exist for serving their needs and therefore they are entitled to live a life of luxury at the cost of safety, dignity, and health of others.

They are incapable of true intimacy and a trustful, mutually respectable relationship because of a lack of "emotional empathy". However excellent in having "intellectual empathy" which they use during the initial phase of a relationship to create bonding, for impressing outsiders on various occasions, and sucking back their victims in the dysfunctional relationship when they(victim) finally get enlightened and educated enough to leave them(the narcissistic abuser), which is known as "love-bombing" in psychology.

 Anyone trying in vain to get a healthy, functional, mutually respectable, and stable relationship with them, may have regular to deep conversations with them during the "love bombing" phase. The things said during this conversation are used later on to hurt and intimidate the abuser. And there are ways in which a narcissist may make you feel regret for having a conversation with them-

1. If you share your dream with them that does not serve them in any way, they will start preparing to destroy it. They are insecure about anyone (especially their victim) getting better in life. They see it as a threat to their own position in life.
2. If you share your insecurities (like them having a crush on someone or your fear of a perceived failure in the relationship), they will use it to make you feel insecure and hurt when they want to punish you for something they don't like about you(your actions or words).
3. If you share your issues with other people, they will use it to "Triangulate you". Once I heard a Narcissist say," When your partner does something you don't like, like tries to show they are smart than they are, just do a little "Triangulation" and they will get back to where they belong to". So, they with diverting your emotions and energy in dealing with the hurt and confusion of triangulation with the person you already have some issues with. This brings them multiple benefits like diverting you from things they didn't want you to focus on, establishing the fact that "you have problems with everyone" and therefore "you are the one with problems" and so on.
4. If you share your positive feelings about them or compliment them about their good qualities. They will repeat your phrases during a heated-up argument in an intimidating voice and tone and will make you feel ashamed for having those feeling and thoughts in addition to the negative thoughts you are trying to point out during the conversation. They will label you are, "confused", "unstable", "hopeless" and so on for having two entirely different thoughts about them. They have an "All-or-none"(black-and-white) thinking pattern and therefore they cannot understand your perspective.
5. If you share some negative issues about kids like their failures, shortcomings, etc during the love-bombing phase they use it, later on, to pit kids against you, to prove that you are the less efficient parent who cannot deal with the issues all by themselves and need them for solving the issues kids are having(when you are having an argument with them about their abuse towards kids or them not participating up in parenting responsibilities).
6. If you share your healing milestones from past or current abuse by them, they intimidate you later-n for still being vulnerable to hurt, for crying, and feeling broken when you break down during a heated-up conversation with them. Right from the start of the argument at every confident and assertive statement of yours, they keep saying that you will start crying very soon, and they really laugh when you do.
7. If you share your mental health issues, especially the ones that have occurred because of their abuse, hope that they will understand how much you are suffering and how much the abuse and dysfunctionality are causing it, they will get very highly offended and will store this information for using it, later on, to prove that your mental illness is the reason for all the issues you two have together and may also blame it for you shart comings in your parenting and career(which actually isn't true, and actually their abuse and unhealthy control of your parenting and career is what causes your shortcomings in your career and parenting).
8. If you share your indifferences with common friends, they will use it to "smear" your image and pit people against you, and control your social life and social image. They make people hate you( and you hate people) to take away your social support so that nobody comes and disturbs them while they enjoy their dysfunctional behavior and abuse at home. They also use your relationship vulnerabilities to "intimidate" you and "gaslight" you when they want to punish you by forcing you to meet them or asking repeatedly on various occasions about why you do not meet these people, to frustrate you and make you feel crazy.
9. If you share your progress and plans for your career/education, they (little insecure bitches) use this information to create hindrances for you. For example, they will make you serve them or have fun with them when you choose to do something that serves your growth. They will take away the money you already told them you saved for a fee. They engage you in something else, it could be even an argument or fight when you were about to attend a class or do some other significant work towards your career development and so on.
10. If you share about nice things you started doing recently to feel better about yourselves, they will mention this information when you are really exhausted, frustrated, and tired of doing everything solely without their help in the household and parenting. Actually, they do this deliberately all to make you doubt your perception of reality about what is happening in your life.

And the list goes on depending upon every personal experience. Above are the points shared by victims.

If escaping the narcissist is not possible for some reasons, the best way to achieve maximum peace at home is to not get into a conversation as much as possible. Try to remain as formal as possible and answer to the point. Nothing works with them. Just focus on your growth and your kids. Remain busy and try to stay out of sight even if you live under the same roof. Learn about "love-bombing" and "Trauma-Bonding" here https://www.theexhaustedsouls.com/2021/02/trauma-bonding-how-your-brain-fools-you.html

Please share your valuable comments below on this page about your personal experiences on this. I will add them up to the list(with or without your name, whatever you wish).

Also read why you can't heal with a  narcissist https://www.theexhaustedsouls.com/2021/05/10-reasons-why-you-cannot-heal-while.html

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When Mothers Day Hurts : Dysfunctional Families

10 Ways In Which A Narcissist Makes You Regret Having A Conversation With Them.

10 Reasons Why You Cannot Heal While Still Being With A Narcissist. 

Words Of Assurance For New Moms In Narcissistic Dysfunctional Nuclear Families.

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Happiness Only Money Can Buy For Narc Abuse Victims

How to survive love bombing?

My Youtube Videos on Narcissism:-  

 Subscribe https://www.youtube.com/@fdamh_official/videos

10 Reasons Why You Cannot Heal While Still Being With A Narcissist.

I have already written a lot about narcissism like what is it, how does it affect family functioning and its various aspects. Today we will see the reasons for which is highly recommended by therapists, life coaches, and fellow victims that physically escaping the narcissist is the only way to escape their abuse and heal. No matter how much therapy and exercises one does healing is not possible. This article has been written for highly empathetic people who, knowing that some sort of past trauma has caused the narcissistic or sociopathic traits in a loved one, especially a spouse are unable to leave them.

The various reasons based on the pieces of information shared by victims and professionals in this field are as follows:-

1. You cannot have a healing journal. You do not have enough personal space and safe boundaries at home for healing journaling. Even if you get to do it, they will read it and use it against you. Like they will attribute all marital issues and shortcomings in your parenting to your mental health issues or past traumas. They will steal information about your other relationship dynamics to prove that "you are the one with problems" during a fight. They will learn what can empower you and will do everything to prevent it from happening to keep you weak and dependent on them. They can use information about your trauma from your blood family(if you have any) and pass that information to related people creating further trauma and dysfunctionality in your blood family.
2. You cannot practice healthy boundaries with them. Boundaries are an essential part of a healthy relationship and they give time and space for mindful healing and repair work. But they would want you to serve their moody needs irrespective of their effect on your wellbeing.
3. You cannot grieve your traumas and losses. Some narcissists get really mad seeing their victims cry or being extremely sad in front of them if they are in the mood to have fun or pretend to have a normal or perfect family and spouse. When they want you to match their mood, you are not allowed to feel what you are feeling. Allowing yourself to feel your truest emotion is the key to emotional intelligence which in turn allows healing from trauma and abuse.
4. You cannot practice healthy parenting. They control your parenting which makes you abuse your kids unconsciously/uncontrollably sometimes and they also directly abuse, use, manipulate and sometimes traumatize your kids in front of you. This adds up to your trauma continuously. It's like one step forward and ten steps backward in your healing.
5. You cannot get benefitted from mental and physical exercises recommended by your therapist. If they get to know that you are doing something for the healing and betterment of your life, they will get jealous and are extremely insecure about themselves. They are known for unhealthy competition and chronic insecurity. They cannot see anyone get better or higher in life especially their near and dear ones. They are people who don't believe in themselves enough to put an effort to win the race by doing better, but rather they pull others down to feel "being above them". And when they are not jealous they are careless and want to see everyone around them following a routine totally controlled by them, be it sleeping, relaxing, doing chores, taking care of kids, spiritual practices, and so on.
6. You cannot afford therapy and other means. They are financial abusers. They feel entitled to control family finances even if the other spouse contributes to earnings. You cannot use their money for your personal betterment and you also cannot use your own money for something they don't approve of.
7. You cannot have a  stable career to support your therapy. They do not contribute to house chores and parenting. Also, they won't let you have a routine of your choice so that you can balance work, parenting, relaxation, and enjoyment. They are too insecure to see you grow. Even if you have one, it will only contribute to your stress and trauma as they will never stop interfering with it.  Remember that they don't have relationships, they keep hostages and they control their lives.
8. You cannot have social support for healing. They have already ruin your social life. They have recruited flying monkeys around you in the name of a social circle. Most of the family friends think "you" are the problem. Gaslighting from multiple places is what I available for you in the name of social support until you break free, heal and create a new social circle.
9. You cannot get any better living with someone who is programmed to see everyone either as a "threat" or a "prey". They are insecure to the core. They have a false belief that makes them hate and fear everyone around them. They have a brain structure and functioning that prevents them think and behave in a normal healthy way. Their inflated ego won't let them accept the fact that anything is wrong with them and therefore they will never seek help. No victim has ever claimed that their narcissist got healed and got better therapy. Not yet. 
10. Last but not the least, you cannot heal a wound from being stabbed while the knife is still inside you, which is the most practical way in which the whole dynamics can be explained to someone.

Your healing should start with escaping them and never punishing them Punishing is further messing and staying in some sort of (even it is hateful) relationship. It has been said by numerous professionals in this field that, "the best way to win a fight/argument with a narcissist is to not have one". These are people who are always on "Fight" mode" as told by Pete Walker in his famous book on C-PTSD. Due to life-altering trauma, their brain and autonomic nervous system have become dysfunctional. People lying very high on the scale of narcissism are not capable of getting any kind of healing. Therefore it is best advised to leave them and if you have sympathy for them you can pray to God for healing them. Remember that you must leave for a better future for yourself and your kids because getting traumatized in their hands will NOT heal them.

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14 Signs Your Partner Is Controlling.

17 Signs Of A Controlling Manipulative Friend?

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 32 Simple Reasons Why Someone is Not Texting You Back.

Holy Narcissists: 14 Reasons why narcissists hide in religious communities.

 Why Having A Baby Won't Fix Your Marriage.

20 Things Narcissists Say When They Are Gaslighting You.

 This will happen if you idealize your abusive parents.

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 Trauma bonding : How your brain fools you into thinking that you are in love.

9 tips for surviving this valentine's without love from outside.

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4 Tips For Protecting Your Child from Abuse at Day Care.

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"Burn Book" for EMOTIONAL AWARENESS.

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When Mothers Day Hurts

Coming from a Dysfunctional family where your mother had abusive narcissistic traits can be a curse for you especially on Mother's Day.`

The glorification of motherly love everywhere and your own memories of the sacrifices or acts of kindness done by your mother towards you may make you feel guilty of not being able to express gratitude towards your mother. You may feel deep pain thinking about your mother's trauma that made her abusive. You may feel like a bad child for not celebrating Mother's Day like everyone else.

And it's Ok!

If you maintained a distance from her for your healing from the trauma you have been getting from the abuse she caused you, it's okay to stay at a distance. The guilt will dominate and intimidate you on some days especially mother's day or your mother's birthday. And it's okay. It's absolutely okay to do something that you need to do to heal yourself and break the pattern of abuse and stop the legacy of abusive parenting to be passed on to coming generations. 

You may feel that being loyal and complaint to your abusive mother will make you look good and great in family's eyes(this is what you think, but actually it's not) and the eyes of society (maybe, if she hasn't ruined your image), but your own children, other relationships and the coming generations will have to pay a hefty price for this sacrifice of yours. 

You are no/low contact with your mother after years of debate with yourself. You should be proud of yourself for holding yourself together while being crushed under a huge pile of self-doubt, self-hate, and guilt for not being able to reciprocate everything nice she did to you. You may feel two parts of you constantly in a fight with each other, one who has been too destroyed to function and treat others as a normal human being because of the pain of abuse/abandonment inflicted by your mother and the other part who gaslights, guilt-trips, intimidates and highly invalidates the former one for having those selfish feelings and thoughts. There is a constant war in your head that no one can see and understand except for someone who is in exactly the same situation.

If you are a mom now and your dysfunctional family gave you things like C-PTSD, codependency, depression, and anxiety, etc, then it's very highly likely that you too feel like somewhat an abusive OR dysfunctional mother (though with awareness and on the path of healing) towards your own kids who might be really excited today to treat you, especially on this day. You might feel scared of turning out like your mother one day, putting your own children in the position you are in today with similar feelings and emotions. You may also feel heartbroken for your own kids thinking about the day when they will be grown-ups and will think about the abuse you caused them because of your mental illness. This thought brings a huge amount of guilt for being a mom.

If you try to be compassionate to yourself in the above context, it immediately guilt-trips you into giving a second thought to your own mother's abusiveness and guilt-trips you into not being compassionate enough towards your mother and forces you to reflect on the issues that made her abusive and fills your heart with compassion and mercy for her and hatred and shame for yourself for distancing yourself from her.

Such is the toxic cycle of thoughts and feeling that a woman from a dysfunctional narcissistic family has to go through every mother's day.

It's difficult to fully feel what you feel on mother's day for your mother, yourself as a daughter, yourself as a mother, and your own kids. It's difficult. It's very difficult to feel all those emotions intimidating and making you feel ashamed for the kind of daughter and mother you are. It is difficult to fully involve emotionally with your own kids when they try to make you feel special on this day because of the emotional turmoil going inside you.

It's okay to feel that way when you are unhealed or still healing!

Healing is messy and such occasions make it messier. You just have to keep going holding yourself together. That cruel part of you that doesn't have your back shouldn't be fed any attention and should be ignored as much as possible so that it understands that it doesn't have a place in your life anymore and will have to leave you eventually someday with that part of you which is compassionate and kind towards you, your mother and your kids without forcing you to continue being abused by your mother or ashame and judge you for your parenting mistakes because of your trauma and conditioning.

You can be with your kids physically, pretending to be involved emotionally, show them gratitude and love for what they do for you. You can wish your mother from a distance if your healing allows it. Nothing is more important than your healing right now.

Remember that the best thing you can do for your kids is get healed as soon as possible so that they don't have to heal from the parenting they get from you.

Having boundaries and physical or emotional or both kind of distance from your own mother in favor of your heeling is a healthy choice for preventing the legacy of abuse/hurt/trauma/pain/dysfunctionality from being passed on to your future generations via your own parenting.

You are brave and strong for doing this. You are breaking the pattern of generational trauma and creating a peaceful painless future for the generations to come. At least you are trying. You must be proud of yourself for putting up with all the pain, confusion, guilt, and struggle to bring peace to your family's future life.

View your critic self in human form and ignore her whenever she tries to tear you down. Have pride in how far you have come with the enlightenment and healing, and have faith in God for where he can take you one day!

Keep Going

You have got this.

Happy Healing.

17 Subtle Signs A Woman Is Romantically Interested In Your Partner.

8 Things Narcissists Do To Control Your Social Life.

 No, You Are Not Crazy! You Are Being Gaslighted.

14 Reasons Why Women Don't "Just Leave" Abusive relationships?

14 Signs Your Partner Is Controlling.

17 Signs Of A Controlling Manipulative Friend?

Why Does He Do That? What’s wrong with abusive men?

Do this to control your anger towards your kids.

Difference between Fear and Anxiety.

This Could Be The Reason Why Your Soul Is Exhausted.

Panic Attack: Simplified for the layman.

This is why people love your abuser while they hate you!

 32 Simple Reasons Why Someone is Not Texting You Back.

Holy Narcissists: 14 Reasons why narcissists hide in religious communities.

 Why Having A Baby Won't Fix Your Marriage.

20 Things Narcissists Say When They Are Gaslighting You.

 This will happen if you idealize your abusive parents.

What Is Love, and What Isn't?

 Trauma bonding : How your brain fools you into thinking that you are in love.

9 tips for surviving this valentine's without love from outside.

14 Ways to Find Out if Someone Has a Crush on You!

18 Things to do if you want to raise mentally and physically strong kids.

6 Tips for detoxing sibling bonds in dysfunctional families.

5 Things parents do to empower their daughters that actually harm them.

Shocking reasons why nobody respects you and 18 steps to fix it!

10 Steps to save your child from abuse at school. 

4 Tips For Protecting Your Child from Abuse at Day Care.

Forgiveness- What It Is, What It's Not!

16 Tips For Setting Boundaries with Adult Children.

"Burn Book" for EMOTIONAL AWARENESS.

Is ‎It ‎Better ‎To ‎Be ‎Single ‎Or ‎In ‎A ‎Relationship ‎With ‎A ‎Narcissist? ‏- ‏A ‎comparative ‎analysis ‎. ‏

20 Signs Someone Actually, Genuinely likes you.

13 Warning Signs of A Spiritual Narcissist and How To Deal With Them.

What Exactly is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

13 Warning Signs Your Husband is Abusive & Outright Dangerous.

Should you stay friends with an ex?

The Narcissistic Family Tree

This Is Why Some People Cannot Help Being Sad And Miserable : If You Had Controlling Parents

10 Signs You Have a Lousy Spouse!

16 Tips for Dealing with your Toxic Parents

Protecting Children From Sexual Abuse| When You Are A Stay At Home Parent.

How To NOT Preach A Family With Domestic Violence Issues ?| A Word For Preachers and Clergy Men!

Why Is Spirituality Important?

What does Depression Looks like?

18 Tips For Happy, Anxiety Free And Peaceful Life Amidst The Covid Crisis.

14 Keys for Narcissists to Change Toward the Higher Self

Why You Might Feel Like the Most Emotional And Sensitive Person 

When Mothers Day Hurts : Dysfunctional Families

10 Ways In Which A Narcissist Makes You Regret Having A Conversation With Them.

10 Reasons Why You Cannot Heal While Still Being With A Narcissist. 

Words Of Assurance For New Moms In Narcissistic Dysfunctional Nuclear Families.

Co-parenting With A Narcissist

Happiness Only Money Can Buy For Narc Abuse Victims

How to survive love bombing?

Why You Might Feel Like the Most Emotional And Sensitive Person

Have you noticed that Some people around us are highly sensitive to any kind of change in their physical or emotional environment? They show an exaggerated emotional response to small things. Being with such people could be emotionally draining and exhausting and this is why people either choose to constantly judge them, mock them and tell them to "be not like that", "act normal" and in extreme cases just allow them to leave the relationship.

It could be difficult to be with someone who is highly thoughtful, observant, and analytical of every detail of everything and responds emotionally to them, mostly in a negative way(with fear, sadness, or guilt) and even if in a positive way like being overly compassionate and helpful to even strangers and sometimes ending up getting betrayed and hurt by them.

Do you ever wonder why they are like that and act like that? Can they change? 

If you really care for one of such friends or a loved one of yours, you would be hurt and shocked to know that this is not "them" but "their response to the long-term trauma" they have or are enduring.

Where does it come from?

People raised in dysfunctional families or married/in a long-term relationship with mentally ill or personality disordered(like Narcissists/Sociopaths) people become like this over the years. Someone with a personality disorder or mental illness can be highly unstable and unpredictable. If such an unstable person is the dominating family member like a dominating parent or a dominating spouse and is not cured of their illness then they may inflict immense pain in the rest of the family members who are not dominating and can cause constant chaos in the family life. They can be a constant source of abuse for the rest of the family, emotionally, psychologically, financially, sexually, and physically depending upon their mental health and personality type. I will take an example of a narcissistic dysfunctional family to discuss further.

Click on the following link to read the narcissistic family dynamics.

https://www.theexhaustedsouls.com/2021/03/how-does-narcissistic-dysfunctional.html

Why it happens?

The main problem that occurs in narcissistic dysfunctional households is that there is an infinite number of rules for the victims, which are neither clear nor consistent. Rules keep changing with the mood of the abuser. The victims have to walk on eggshells to keep the abuser happy but in vain. The children and spouse over the time with the abuser (if they are not able to flee for some reason ) learn to freeze and please the abuser to reduce the abuse and hurt. Since the abuser in such families want their unspoken, unclarified, and inconsistent rules and commands to be obeyed at any cost, the victims have to put a high amount of emotional energy and attention to analyze every situation, conversation, body language, and mood of the abuser to make sure that they don't upset him(or her). This is done on a constant basis but is able to prevent the abuse only in very rare cases. 

When the victims fail to prevent the abuse even after this much effort, they self-blame and guilt-trip themselves or blame and guilt-trip each other for what happened and prepare themselves for better vigilance for the next moment. They fail most of the time and keep increasing the effort hoping that one day they will be able to reach the heart of the abuser and the abuse will stop. The most hurtful fact is that the abuse never stops in dysfunctional families. 

Sometimes the abuser may not abuse because they are busy with something else or are manipulating. The victims rejoice and celebrate every such moment when there is no abuse and pain and reinforce themselves with the belief that things are going to be better with more of their efforts and gear up for more efforts in pleasing the abuser. Not only that they feel encouraged to please the abuser more with the scanty gestures of kindness they receive from them but also they develop trauma bonds that are misunderstood by their traumatized brain as "Love". 

The normal fight-flight mechanism of such victims is totally shut off as their brain convinces that there is no way to escape and the only way to survive is to be vigilant about the mood fluctuations and demands of the abuser and be creative enough to cater to their needs to prevent them from flying off the handle.

The saddest part is that victims are hardly mindful of all these things happening in their life. In fact, they are so much absorbed in "surviving" that they hardly notice and understand all these dynamics. Not only this but anything and everything in life just passes by getting unnoticed and unattended emotionally because of overindulgence in "survival" mode.

How it happens?

The more time victims spend with the abuser the more hyper-vigilance becomes a part of their personality. The only way to survive at home was to be overly conscious and highly thoughtful, observant, and analytical of every detail of everything happening at home to make sure that nothing should displease the abuser. But since it rarely worked and still the abuser was always upset over any insignificant thing and sometimes non-existent things, criticism and mistreatment always made their way. 

This is why these people get emotional flashbacks of past events even without knowing it. They may react and respond in very emotional ways to the very normal day-to-day events because the brain replays an emotional experience in their head, even without reminding them of the event that embeds that emotional experience in them. 

They get easily offended by the slightest criticism because they get flashbacks of the emotions they felt when they did everything perfectly to please the abuser and were totally innocent but still were criticized, bullies, demoralized, and hurt by their abuser.

They get highly upset and feel the need to help by going out of the way to help another abuse victim because their story brings emotional flashbacks of their own feelings of helplessness and the thoughts of getting rescued by someone.

They are highly observant of other people's moods and emotions and get upset by any hint of negative emotions because the relationship dynamics with the abuser have become the dominating factor of their behavior and thought process.

They have spent their life in finding out how they can be "loved" and "accepted" and they still are doing the same thing but unfortunately mostly in the wrong places. Due to the trauma response in adults( and developmental arrest in kids), they have a weak ability to recognize healthy people and relationships. They have a deeply embedded belief that they should let people walk over them in order to be "loved" and "accepted" and when people actually "walkover" them and don't show love it adds to their trauma and the situation keeps getting worse adding to their unhealthy relationship patterns and codependency in their behavior.

How to help them?

Now you know why is it happening? This isn't something that they are fully aware of, and even if they get fully aware of it they cannot just "snap out of it" or "get over it". There are serious physiological changes that have happened in their brain structure and function over the years. Holding them accountable for not having control over them will add to their trauma and worsen their situation. The emotional flashbacks that cause them to respond in an extremely emotional are deeply rooted in the emotional wounds they don't even remember. Help them leave the abuser if you can, at least emotionally if not physically. Be with them without judging them. Suggest them to get the therapy they need.

How can they help themselves?

The first step for healing from this unhealthy survival mode is distancing oneself from the abuser if not physically then at least one should start erecting healthy boundaries. Then one should seek therapy and learn mindfulness which is an excellent way to be comfortable with one's emotions and deal with them in a healthy way, which will be the core of getting out of this unhealthy pattern.

You can try this hack for emotional awareness https://www.theexhaustedsouls.com/2021/02/burn-book-for-emotional-awareness.html

Last but not the least, as it is rightly said," controlled people control people". Many people coming from such households may themselves become abusive and controlling because of what trauma does to their brain giving them mental illnesses like anxiety, depression, C-PTSD, etc, or personality disorders like NPD, BPD, APD, etc. Such people should practice mindfulness and seek therapy as soon as they realize that something is wrong with the way they treat other people.

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Life is more than impossible for anyone in a relationship with a narcissist, but I don't think Narcissists themselves are very happy and prosperous doing what they do. According to specialists, there is no cure for narcissism because their inflated ego doesn't allow them to accept the problem that they have or to share it with therapists. I have very closely observed the narcissists suffer and go through pain because of how they view the world and how they deal with it. 

Read https://www.theexhaustedsouls.com/2021/03/what-exactly-is-narcissistic.htmlto know what Narcissism is.

A fully blown narcissist is never going to search the internet for a "self-help guide" because this will make them look imperfect in their own eyes which they cannot tolerate and therefore they are very less likely to read this blog. On the other hand, their victims who are draining and exhausting themselves already in a hope that they will change one day will find this article and read it, and probably share it with their loved ones(the narcissists), hoping to get some help. However, I would suggest not to forward this blog directly to them, instead post it somewhere they can easily find it and read it without feeling offended by you. 

A narcissist who is low on the scale of narcissism, if he/she has the mercy of God and Prayers of loved ones might find this blog useful and might really improve his/her life by following some suggestions that have been discussed in it.

The losses that occur to a narcissist because of their thinking, perception, belief-system, behavior, and lifestyle are:-

1. They cannot have someone love them consistently and lifelong. (Because of the pain of repeated hurt and betrayal they inflict on those who love them. They do this because of a high desire for sense gratification in the terms of having multiple romantic interests or lack of interest in roles and responsibilities as a committed family member).https://www.theexhaustedsouls.com/2021/03/signs-someone-really-cares-about-you.html
2. They ruin their health and consciousness and keep degrading with age. (Because they don't trust anyone's suggestions fearing they will get manipulated or harmed like they do it to others. Also, they prefer sense gratification way too much over their physical, mental, spiritual well-being.).
3. They never feel satisfied with what they have. (Because they are always feeling insecure about other people's achievements. Not just do they feel that way but also they go out of their way to tear down and ruin others in order to feel better about themselves which they actually never feel and on this path they ruin a huge part of their own lives).
4. They feel lonely and empty. (Because they think if they share their secrets, insecurities, and pain with someone it will be used against them like they do it to others. Also).
5. They ruin their children and lose them. (Because they use them as punching bags to vent, use as trophies to boost their egos, have unrealistic and inconsistent expectations depending upon their own mood and need at any given moment either to fulfill their sense gratification, hide their flaws, hide family flaws, or to prove something to the society. They either raise other narcissists who treat them materially and superficially like they did or they create family scapegoats who might love them deeply but will eventually run away as far as possible after growing up fearing more hurt in return for the love they always gave to the narcissistic parent).

Why do they do it? Because of :

1. The sense of entitlement: They think they are special and deserve special treatment irrespective of their own behavior and attitude towards others. Think that they are entitled to own whatever they like or desire.
2. The high desire for sense gratification: Too much importance to sex, food, fashion, self-image building and show off to the society. So much so that they put their quality of life at stake for achieving these. (Bhagavad Gita 16.11-12: They believe that to gratify the senses is the prime necessity of human civilization. Thus until the end of life, their anxiety is immeasurable. Bound by a network of hundreds of thousands of desires and absorbed in lust and anger, they secure money by illegal means for sense gratification. Bhagavad Gita 16.16: Thus perplexed by various anxieties and bound by a network of illusions, they become too strongly attached to sense enjoyment and fall down into hell.)

3. Selfishness: Lack of emotional empathy in spite of having intellectual empathy. Desire to achieve something at cost of safety, security, peace, or quality of other people's life.

4. Insecurity: Stemming from the wrong belief system like my loved ones' success means my failure(unhealthy competition).
5. Mental health issues: Anger issues, anxiety, stress, depression.
6. Wrong belief system: Need to look perfect at the cost of the reputation of others, even the spouse and kids, everyone is a competitor or threat, I must win always, everything is a competition, I am perfect and always right, and so on.
7. Bad lifestyle: Like poor sleep routine leading to mismanaged and chaotic life, bad hygiene, poor health, poot time management, unhealthy eating issues, etc.
8. Socio-cultural effect:  Sexism, patriarchy, discrimination, crush the weaker, worship the stronger, manipulate the kind and humble, fear and disrespect those outside the community or those with different beliefs, and so on.
9. Others. Depending on what scale of narcissism someone is, their socio-cultural background, and other personality disorders or mental disorders someone has in comorbidity, there can be various other reasons including life experiences and past traumas, etc leading to the twisted sense of reality and disordered relationship approach and lifestyle.

How can a narcissist help themselves?

Here are some tips on how they can improve the quality of their lives, improve their consciousness, stop creating bad karma, and feel infinite true love that a lot of people want to show them, especially their spouse and kids. 

1. Share. There must be at least one person on this earth who you think is innocent, non-judgemental, and trustworthy. Share your feelings of hurt, pain, insecurities, doubts. Completely refrain from lying. Because lying will only backfire. If you have no such person you can try this https://www.theexhaustedsouls.com/2021/02/burn-book-for-emotional-awareness.html
2. Think of your childhood. Be honest with yourself. It's okay to validate the feelings of your inner child. It's not a betrayal to your parents. It's loyalty to yourself. It's better to accept that something was wrong with one or both of your parents than to repeat the legacy of abuse or abandonment and pass on the same pain and hurt to your own children who love you just like you did to your own parents in childhood.                                                                                                              Read https://www.theexhaustedsouls.com/2021/02/this-will-happen-if-you-idealize-your.html                                                                                                                                    And https://www.theexhaustedsouls.com/2021/03/shocking-reasons-why-some-people-cannot.html  to know more. 
3. Control and divert. Whenever you feel like doing something that contributes to an unhealthy lifestyle, control your senses and divert yourself towards something healthy and productive. It could be a walk, a hobby, calling a service engineer, and getting something repaired. According to Indian Vedic scriptures following four regulative principles can drastically bring control on your senses if done under the right supervision. I have personally witnessed many people's drastically changed desire for sense gratification with this approach. A control on the tongue will help
4. Moral check. It really doesn't matter what your family, parents, peers, etc believe is "cool", do not do it if it is morally wrong. No matter how "subtle" it is for people to notice. Just say "No" to it. Defeat it. Be a winner when confronting these damaging and destructive desires.
5. Mental Health. Nobody will ever know except the therapist that you have issues. One day you will be healthier and happier and better. If you don't like going to therapists face to face, meet one online. At least know the issues and then you can get self-help in the form of books, blogs, and articles that you can read privately.
6. Compassion. You are not entitled. No one is. Tell yourself every day. The world needs love. Love people genuinely without expecting anything in return and true love will come back from somewhere, if not from the same person.
7. Say no to unhealthy competition and yes to healthy competition. There are millions of people much more successful than you. They are not posing any threat to you. Nor will your loved ones if they achieve something. In fact, family life always IMPROVES and upgrades in every way when everyone genuinely celebrates the success of each other. There should be no competition inside the four walls of the home. A family is a team that plays together, supporting, defending, and celebrating each other.
8. Boundaries. Have boundaries in every relationship and respect other people's boundaries as well. This way neither you will manipulate nor you will be manipulated. Watch for red flags of boundaries in yourself and others and act accordingly to keep them in place.
9. Meditation. Take one step at a time. Find resources and make meditation an integral part of your life. This is one thing that one must have in their life if they wish to have an overall disciplined and healthy lifestyle.
10. Humbleness. It's okay to say sorry when you are absolutely wrong. When you feel and say sorry every time you do something wrong you will eventually be able to get better at being kind and humble. Having integrity is a must for a quality life.
11. Cost and value analysis. Social image is important sometimes, but not always. Watch out for the price you or a loved one is paying when you are putting extra effort into making a good social image. Carefully analyze the value you will obtain and the cost you or a loved one is paying while making a social image of self, arguing, making a decision, making an expenditure, lying, making arrangements for gratifying your senses, and so on. Reprioritize things whenever there is a need in family life or personal life.
12. Love yourself the healthy way. You are as much worthy of love as anyone else in spite of what mistakes you have already committed in your life. You are this way because of what your circumstances, upbringing, and mental health have been. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the core of you if you desire to be a better person. 
13. Mindfulness practice. Mindfulness practice will gradually train you and make you capable of validating your feelings and emotions because hiding and suppressing them will displace them on someone weaker and safer target like someone who loves you unconditionally. If you think honestly you will find that this has been often happening with you causing pain and hurt to your loved ones. Mindfulness will help you master your emotions and feeling and then you will be able to deal with them in a constructive way gradually improving not just the quality of your personal life but the entire family atmosphere.
14. Gratitude. Once a day, every day, sit down and think of the ten good things done to you by others including God. Mentally thank each of them genuinely for their efforts.

If your loved ones see a good amount of genuine efforts from your side to be a better person they will too put effort to stay. Therefore you must try because there is nothing more valuable in your life than the presence of people who truly love and care for you in spite of all the hurt you have caused them and if you could reciprocate that love and care genuinely then it will mean the world to them. 

Happy healing!

Best wishes!

17 Subtle Signs A Woman Is Romantically Interested In Your Partner.

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 No, You Are Not Crazy! You Are Being Gaslighted.

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14 Signs Your Partner Is Controlling.

17 Signs Of A Controlling Manipulative Friend?

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Difference between Fear and Anxiety.

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Panic Attack: Simplified for the layman.

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 32 Simple Reasons Why Someone is Not Texting You Back.

Holy Narcissists: 14 Reasons why narcissists hide in religious communities.

 Why Having A Baby Won't Fix Your Marriage.

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 This will happen if you idealize your abusive parents.

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 Trauma bonding : How your brain fools you into thinking that you are in love.

9 tips for surviving this valentine's without love from outside.

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4 Tips For Protecting Your Child from Abuse at Day Care.

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