12 Mar 2021

13 Warning Signs of A Spiritual Narcissist and How To Deal With Them.

Any Narcissist will have most of the general qualities of a regular Narcissict but someone who is a narcissist, as well as a Godly man, is really hard to spot especially by people having low self-esteem and codependence which are the two important personality characteristics of people hailing from dysfunctional families of living in dysfunctional or abusive relationships.

Bhagavad Gita 16.1-3: The Supreme Personality of Godhead said: Fearlessness; purification of one’s existence; cultivation of spiritual knowledge; charity; self-control; performance of sacrifice; study of the Vedas; austerity; simplicity; nonviolence; truthfulness; freedom from anger; renunciation; tranquillity; aversion to faultfinding; compassion for all living entities; freedom from covetousness; gentleness; modesty; steady determination; vigor; forgiveness; fortitude; cleanliness; and freedom from envy and from the passion for honor – these transcendental qualities, O son of Bharata, belong to godly men endowed with divine nature.

Narcissists and religion make a deadly combination. I used the term religion and not spirituality because a narcissist who lacks empathy and conscience is not capable of understanding the depth of spirituality and can only understand and live things on the level of Religion.

Bhagavad Gita 18.25: That action performed in illusion, in disregard of scriptural injunctions, and without concern for future bondage or for violence or distress caused to others is said to be in the mode of ignorance.

Almost all of the religious groups aim to spread spirituality and love for God and his children among people and have systematic programs etc to propagate their mission by the means of scriptures, principles, and doctrine and for that, they need volunteers who join the mission and help propagate it. These volunteers hold a special place in these spiritual societies. They have authority over newcomers and a worshipped by them. Sometimes their wrongdoings may be overlooked if they are bringing any sort of appreciable input to the mission and also for the honor of the society. On top of this, almost all scriptures teach us to be forgiving. Also, anyone who holds a senior position in such groups is automatically worshipped to all the juniors and hence the juniors never have any say in such matters, as it is seen as a sinful act, this is the belief that is internalized in-group members from day one. This is the loophole that allows the entry and sustenance of Narcissists in such spiritual groups.

Bhagavad Gita 18.51-53:- Being purified by his intelligence and controlling the mind with determination, giving up the objects of sense gratification, being freed from attachment and hatred, one who lives in a secluded place, who eats little, who controls his body, mind, and power of speech, who is always in trance and who is detached, free from a false ego, false strength, false pride, lust, anger, and acceptance of material things, free from false proprietorship, and peaceful – such a person is certainly elevated to the position of self-realization.

Every place has every kind of people and religious groups are no exception. In fact, such groups give a very warm welcome to evil people as an act of mercy hoping that they will finally get a chance to cleanse their consciousness of sinfulness. But once a narcissist is always a narcissist, they use this divine platform for more manipulation and abuse. In fact, they love being here because where else they will get so much nourishment to their ego and validation for their sense of entitlement. Moreover, their superficial charm proves to be very useful in attracting new members to the community and manipulation and gaslighting techniques in retaining them, especially those with low self-worth and low or o other social support.

I have written this blog on the basis of the experiences of a lot of such people who either lost their faith or were almost about to do so.

Here are some signs that show that a spiritual person is a narcissist and for the sake of your own spiritual journey you need to either have firm boundaries or totally cut them off from your life.

Bhagavad Gita 17.18:- Penance performed out of pride and for the sake of gaining respect, honor, and worship is said to be in the mode of passion. It is neither stable nor permanent.

  1. They believe and want you to believe that they are superior. This is exactly the opposite of how a truly spiritual person thinks. There is no measure of progress in this path, only God knows it and we all must support and encourage each other in this journey.
  2. They don't follow what they preach. Such people don't walk the talk because they actually, genuinely don't believe in the teachings.
  3. They manipulate scriptures to suit their needs. Such people repeatedly stress on those parts of scriptures that satisfy their needs and justify their behaviors and sometimes sins and never talk about or listen to those parts which say otherwise or make them look bad.
  4. They lack empathy. This is one sure-shot sign that shows proves that someone is a narcissist. They may talk about empathy but their actions and words for someone who is suffering will say otherwise.
  5. They mock and verbally abuse those who are not aligned with their personal thought process. A spiritual person is humble and kind even to haters.
  6. They have two faces, one for their community and the other for their family members and their family members don't support their spiritual life. After becoming spiritual, a person automatically transforms and becomes better than what he or she was before and therefore becomes more likable to anyone who knows them from before. On the other hand, a narcissist becomes more arrogant and abusive afterward because now they have some like-minded allies to confirm with their behavior, and also they can twist the doctrine to inflict pain on others,.
  7. They boast a lot about their knowledge of scriptures. All scriptures are meant to make a person more positive, humble, kind, and God-loving. But they read them only to nurture their ego.
  8. They love to debate. They use their scriptural knowledge and doctrine to debate with people who have the slightest of doubts regarding what they think of anything. They impose their thoughts and make others feel small and themselves tall by arrogantly debating on topics of spirituality. 
  9. They either forcefully makes people confirm with their spiritual thought-process or they completely shut the door on their face and hate them for the rest of their life. There is no in-between.
  10. They are poor listeners. They listen to replies not to understand. You can never have a heart-to-heart talk with them. They are always in preaching mode, talking like a radio, totally one-sided. They may pretend like a good listener but their body language and other gesture give you a gut feeling that everything is just for the heck of it.
  11. They do not follow the Doctrines when no one significant is looking. They look perfect among people significant to their social image and when away they will be totally opposite doing everything they want to however not on the very gross level, rather on a subtle level and can debate it off if someone points it out.
  12. They are not very sure about the existence of God. If they were, then there would be consistency in thoughts and actions. They, just like everything else use God also for making their life more pleasurable. Watch them committing sins on a subtle level and observe how strongly they debate to support it. This proves how much they do not believe in God.
  13. They are happier when you worship them instead of God. A truly spiritual person is so surrendered and in love with God that he is happiest when he sees others also worshipping him. But a narcissist always wants to be worshipped, even in front of God. His true interest is not in getting others liberated but getting his own ego polished.

Any such person can present a very narcissistic image of God, distorted explanation of scriptures, and poor image of spirituality to people around them, inside and outside the group. This not only brings bad name to God, Scriptures, Spirituality, and Religion but also takes away last hope from helpless people who thought that finally, they will get some relief after being abused or abandoned from their own people and everybody else, like people coming from abusive and dysfunctional families. 

I don't want people coming from dysfunctional families to lose hope in God and Spirituality. Trust your gut feeling. Meditate and practice mindfulness which will give you internal strength and courage to face the guilt and shame that will be induced in you by them when you finally try to maintain distance from them. Read scriptures and associate with kind and humble people. Write down your feelings and thought on paper and burn them. This will make you mindful of your emotions. Keep believing in God and his love. He wants a better life for you.

Please share this blog with anyone who you think needs to know about this. Also please write in the comment section about your own experiences with any such narcissists in your own community. 

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