21 Feb 2021

Forgiveness- What It Is, What It's Not!



Forgiving those who hurt you and having gratitude for those who love you are the two things that are must for healing and growing.

Where expressing gratitude and counting your blessings not only makes you humble and instantly lifts your mood but also gradually improves your mental health, on the other hand forgiving those who hurt you also has a healing effect on your mental health improvement journey.

According to sacred Indian texts, one must have a forgiving attitude towards everyone. Intellectuals everywhere and psychologists strongly believe argue that healing begins with first forgiving those who caused the hurt you are trying to heal from.

What forgiveness is not?

Some people, especially abuse victims get very offended and feel hurt and validated when they are initially suggested to forgive their abusers. This happens because of the wrong belief about what forgiveness is. Most people understand that forgiveness means to deny what they did to you, to deny what you feel about the abuse and the abuser, to deny or invalidate the pain and the damage they caused you on all levels and allow them or others like them to come back in your life and continue to treat you like that over and over again and you keep tolerating them.

Well, none of this is forgiveness.

What forgiveness is?

Forgiveness is to disconnect yourself from them emotionally after disconnecting physically. Not think about them or keep grudges or plan revenge or curse them. Because all of this will keep you connected to them via invisible chords. Healing requires you to separate yourself in all terms from the one who caused the damage you want to heal.

A survivor must focus on how bad the experience was, what damage was caused to them, how they felt, how helpless they were, how much their feelings and emotions are valid and true, how much they didn't deserve what happened to them and how they can move on towards the path of healing.

Why everyone deserves forgiveness?

People do bad things because of their condition and therefore they deserve forgiveness.

Scientific Reason:- People do bad things because of their personalities, belief systems, culture, and mental health conditions. Every child is innocent when is just born. However, every child is born with some genetic qualities which may or may not cause them to become bad people depending upon the conditions they will be raised in later on in life(and also during their stay in the womb). Whatever "nature and nurture" an infant gets, molds them into what we see as an adult. Scientists have found that people who lack empathy and sympathy don't have the same brain structure and functioning as people who have them which is due to life experiences and genetic factors. 

Spiritual Reason:-According to sacred Indian texts, every soul keeps taking rebirth in this world. Soul gets next life and consciousness as per the deeds he does throughout his life and therefore at the time of birth he is born with predecided fate(as per his good and bad actions of past life). Though will good deeds some alterations can be made, but still, a lot of pre-decided things do happen. Every soul is therefore called a "conditioned soul".So, we must forgive everyone because the law of karma is already taking care of everything and we are also suffering because of the law of karma acting on us. This is just what the scriptures say. This is not meant to hurt or invalidate the victims or survivors. If we see ourselves in a situation where we have hurt someone then maybe we can understand this law of karma more clearly and also why we should forgive everyone.


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