19 Feb 2021

Shocking reasons why nobody respects you and 18 steps to fix it!

Growing up watching Bollywood films I always wondered how that one miserable friend of the character in the lead role would have always felt who was not only mocked and bullied by the hero, heroine, and all of their friends in a typical movie depicting college life of youngsters, but also sacrifices his life so that hero and heroine could be untied forever and escape the deadly villains in the climax scene of the movie. 

In spite of being most loyal and most caring to the extent that he happily dies for his friend, he was always mistreated and made fun of by his friend. I always wondered if this nice guy was a loser or the hero was a bitch, or this how life is, that is the nice people are meant to have a miserable life and over smart manipulating people deserve true happiness.

While growing up, I silently observed people around me including me, my own friends, relatives, neighbors, associates, colleagues, and celebrities, and everyone I could think of.

Here is my observation of why nobody respects you!

Well! The origin of love and respect for yourself is from you only. Your friends or other people watch you and take note of "your worth" that you display in your behavior, attitude, and words. Then they bargain subtly and give you little less than what you expect. 

So, if you believe that you should always be present for everyone including those who never have time or respect for you, or you think that it's your responsibility to please everyone around you at the cost of your happiness, peace, career, health, respect and overall value of life then it's you my dear who is consciously or unconsciously responsible for this.

Why is it happening? 

Everyone gets tired, bored, hurt including you. If you are always willing to serve someone even when you are extremely tired then you somehow either believe that you don't deserve to take a rest or are not allowed to have it. If in spite of getting hurt with someone you never display your true emotions then you somehow either believe that you don't deserve to feel and express the hurtful emotions or forbidden to have them.

In some extreme cases, we need to hide emotions to look sober but we must never ignore what we feel for someone or something.

Our body always signals us when it is too much. Our gut feelings indicate to us what or who is right or wrong. We are equipped with a system that tells us how much is too much and when we need to stop or say "no" in advance.

Those who live a life controlled by someone, become habitual of living a life that pleases others, and then gradually unconsciously we start letting everyone control us.

This is a very common issue with adults who grew up in dysfunctional families. Adult children coming from dysfunctional families either learn the controlling behavior from their parents or become submissive to their controlling behavior for life, letting everyone control them, whoever comes in their life.

How to fix it?

Here are 18 ways to fix

  1. Remind yourself every day that you are an extremely kind and lovable person who deserves all the love in this world and you don't need a second person to validate this truth.
  2. Learn to identify your and other's boundaries.
  3. Accept yourself the way you are. Appreciate the positive things about you and accept the negative things with grace.
  4. Talk positively to yourself. 
  5. Have your back. Take your side when you are having an argument with your critic in your head.
  6. Practice meditation and mindfulness to enhance your emotional competence which is the key to self-acceptance.
  7. Keep your distance from people who obviously manipulated and use you.
  8. Listen to your body. Take rest and proper sleep. Always remember that a relaxed body and mind will do everything better than an exhausted one.
  9. Practice saying "No" when you feel like it.
  10. Practice saying "yes" to things you always felt like but dreaded to do so.
  11. If you accidentally say "yes" or "no" to something you were not sure about and then, later on, you regret it, be kind to yourself. Don't be a harsh critic of yourself. Remember that you are allowed to make mistakes like everyone else.
  12. Stop over-explaining yourself. Practice the shortest possible replies in your head to the questions people around you may ask you when you say "no" to something.
  13. Talk very briefly with people who invalidate your feelings and experiences. And talk less frequently.
  14. Before you laugh at someone's joke, pause and think, are you really amused or actually hurt but just trying to hide your true emotions just to please them or to avoid hurting them?
  15. Gradually start to unfriending those who are abusive, manipulative, or simply make you highly uncomfortable with their presence.
  16. Have some "me time " every day. Think about the things you worry about and the possible solutions to them. Thank God for all the great things that happened to you that day. 
  17. Express gratitude and love towards those who have been in your life for a long and really liked you. Try to spend more time with these people. Wish them on special occasions. But take care of boundaries in a relationship with them also. As you learn to identify such people will start making new friends.
  18. Seek therapy for any mental health issues you have.

Keep practicing the above things and observe the changes in your life. Appreciate yourself for every positive change you make in this journey. If ever you feel like you rebounded to your old self, be kind to yourself. Appreciate that at least you are trying and avoid the harsh judgment of yourself. 

Keep going and one day you will master the art of self-love and self-respect and then you will be surrounded by people who truly love and respect you.

Connect with me on Facebook for more such blogs  and memes

https://www.facebook.com/Familydysfunctionandmentalhealth



17 Subtle Signs A Woman Is Romantically Interested In Your Partner.

8 Things Narcissists Do To Control Your Social Life.

 No, You Are Not Crazy! You Are Being Gaslighted.

14 Reasons Why Women Don't "Just Leave" Abusive relationships?

14 Signs Your Partner Is Controlling.

17 Signs Of A Controlling Manipulative Friend?

Why Does He Do That? What’s wrong with abusive men?

Do this to control your anger towards your kids.

Difference between Fear and Anxiety.

This Could Be The Reason Why Your Soul Is Exhausted.

Panic Attack: Simplified for the layman.

This is why people love your abuser while they hate you!

 32 Simple Reasons Why Someone is Not Texting You Back.

Holy Narcissists: 14 Reasons why narcissists hide in religious communities.

 Why Having A Baby Won't Fix Your Marriage.

20 Things Narcissists Say When They Are Gaslighting You.

 This will happen if you idealize your abusive parents.

What Is Love, and What Isn't?

 Trauma bonding : How your brain fools you into thinking that you are in love.

9 tips for surviving this valentine's without love from outside.

14 Ways to Find Out if Someone Has a Crush on You!

18 Things to do if you want to raise mentally and physically strong kids.

6 Tips for detoxing sibling bonds in dysfunctional families.

5 Things parents do to empower their daughters that actually harm them.

Shocking reasons why nobody respects you and 18 steps to fix it!

10 Steps to save your child from abuse at school. 

4 Tips For Protecting Your Child from Abuse at Day Care.

Forgiveness- What It Is, What It's Not!

16 Tips For Setting Boundaries with Adult Children.

"Burn Book" for EMOTIONAL AWARENESS.

Is ‎It ‎Better ‎To ‎Be ‎Single ‎Or ‎In ‎A ‎Relationship ‎With ‎A ‎Narcissist? ‏- ‏A ‎comparative ‎analysis ‎. ‏

20 Signs Someone Actually, Genuinely likes you.

13 Warning Signs of A Spiritual Narcissist and How To Deal With Them.

What Exactly is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

13 Warning Signs Your Husband is Abusive & Outright Dangerous.

Should you stay friends with an ex?

The Narcissistic Family Tree

This Is Why Some People Cannot Help Being Sad And Miserable : If You Had Controlling Parents

10 Signs You Have a Lousy Spouse!

16 Tips for Dealing with your Toxic Parents

Protecting Children From Sexual Abuse| When You Are A Stay At Home Parent.

How To NOT Preach A Family With Domestic Violence Issues ?| A Word For Preachers and Clergy Men!

Why Is Spirituality Important?

What does Depression Looks like?

18 Tips For Happy, Anxiety Free And Peaceful Life Amidst The Covid Crisis.

14 Keys for Narcissists to Change Toward the Higher Self

Why You Might Feel Like the Most Emotional And Sensitive Person 

When Mothers Day Hurts : Dysfunctional Families

10 Ways In Which A Narcissist Makes You Regret Having A Conversation With Them.

10 Reasons Why You Cannot Heal While Still Being With A Narcissist. 

Words Of Assurance For New Moms In Narcissistic Dysfunctional Nuclear Families.

Co-parenting With A Narcissist

Happiness Only Money Can Buy For Narc Abuse Victims

How to survive love bombing?




No comments:

Post a Comment

Featured Posts

How Psychopaths Choose Their Victims AND HOW TO SAVE YOURSELF FROM THEM?

Ted Bundy, one of the most well-known female serial killers, claimed in one of the interviews that he could tell who would make a suitable v...