2 Jan 2021

No, You Are Not Crazy! You Are Being Gaslighted.

Do you keep hearing things from people(especially one person) that, "it is not what you think", "You only feel or think like that", "Why do you think that", "It is not real", "It never happened", "It is not happening", "It is not what you feel", and so on? Do you feel that you know and see things differently from others? Are you totally confident about what you see and what you know, but some of the people(especially one person who is very close to you)see and remember things differently?

This "one special person", I mentioned above is probably your intimate partner, mother, father, or your best friend. Isn't it? Well! if this is happening in your life, you need to read this article to know what is happening here. You are being gaslighted!

I have written the description of an abusive controlling narcissistic husband. But, this holds true for any relationship.

Gaslighting is basically a tactic to make someone doubt their “Perception of Reality".

Gaslight” is a term used by psychologists to describe a behavior that is done to make someone feel “crazy” or ‘insane”. This term is derived from a famous Hollywood movie “Gaslight”. In this movie, a husband tries to make her wife believe that she is going crazy. The husband misplaces her items and then makes her feel guilty for not remembering where she kept things. Then again putting things back to their place and then making her feel guilty for saying that they were lost.

Verbally an abuser can gaslight by pretending to forget something they said or done to you while you clearly remember each and everything. They will deny all the abuse they have done to you during an argument. They will blame you for doing things that you clearly remember never doing. They deny breaking or losing things in the past that you clearly remember them doing. They can accuse you of doing anything in past and you clearly remember not doing so. A friend of mine told me that her husband will always do something purposely to make her late at the office every single day so that she will have to face embarrassment at work. He will keep tempering and damaging his cell phone, sim card, data card, charger, laptop, etc. in front of his eyes so that she will never be able to use her work properly, and when she complained he would completely deny even touching them and instead accuse her of not taking care of her things properly.

They change their statements on an issue at the blink of an eye. You can never get to a conclusion during an argument because you both argue for different reasons. You argue to resolve the issue and he argues to make you frustrated, tired, and crazy. He keeps repeating the same sentences and the same questions over and over again. Also, he says sarcastic statements to hurt you emotionally. During an argument, he will talk about your weakness in some relationship, career, etc. He will repeat your statements in sarcastic tones that you told him out of love during intimate moments, will start counting your failures in life, and mention your issues with people you have had in past. If you try to remind him of the abuse he has done to you he will make you feel guilty for blaming him. For example, if you remind him of his crush or an extramarital affair he will immediately deny it and will accuse you of not trusting him.

Do you know or have experienced any other such tactics being used by someone? Please free free to share your opinions and experiences in this context.

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