FAMILY DYSFUNCTION AND MENTAL HEALTH: January 2021

25 Jan 2021

Holy Narcissists: 14 Reasons why narcissists hide in religious communities.

What common people think about the hiding palace of bad people is, where all kinds of bad things happen like, brothels, pubs, terrorist camps, secluded gangsters' spots, and so on.

People think that bad people live in places where bad things are more likely to happen. But do you know that not every bad person wants to be seen and recognized as bad and therefore while being bad and pretending themselves as being nice is what makes them even worse? So, these people who are bad but put a huge amount of effort is not just looking “not bad” in public but also fooling them into believing that they are some really nice and perfect people, is what makes them really evil people, like Satans on the earth.

People whom I call satans are those who are extremely evil and selfish like narcissists, psychopaths, and sociopaths.

These are the people with no inner conscience, no moral values, and no character. They do not have sympathy and empathy for anyone. They are really bad people and they are so bad that they also want people to view them as the opposite of what they are so that nobody believes those victims who are being abused y them, so that that they can smoothly carry on with the abuse. These satans sometimes hide in religious places like temples, churches, and mosques, wolves in sheep’s skin, evils disguised as devotees.

Mutual benefits that a religious cult and narcissists get from each other are:-

People with such evil and cruel intentions towards others are power-hungry as power facilitates their abusive behavior.

They love to be in authority where they can actively manipulate, bully, and control people.

They can make most of the people feel inferior by having a sense of superiority just because they are associated with the religious society.

They can easily abuse their family if the family is not a part of the cult as they get validated by the cult for being "right" and "good".

By putting extra efforts into helping with the growth of the congregation they can feel good about themselves even if they are acting as monsters among their own family members.

They get continuous nourishment to their ego by fans and followers no matter how bad they are to their victims.

They have an army of flying monkeys to support them against their helpless victims.

Having a high position in the congregation allows them to guilt-trip new followers if they ever try to point out any fault in them.

By having academic knowledge of scriptures they can easily manipulate innocent people into getting what they want.

Having a lot of followers facilitates getting even more followers because people easily believe anyone who is popular. Thus making them popular and bringing headcount in the congregation.

People in religious cults are very strongly glued together by unconditional support, hence anyone from outside or a new follower cannot do much pointing at someone doing something wrong, even if they do so they turn out to be a scapegoat.

Religious cults who believe that “the cult” is above the “God”, are those who unknowingly harbor such evil narcissists as their significant members and fight with outsiders to keep them.

These satans are also valued very much by the cults as they play a significant role in dealing with an issue or disagreement occurring with a powerful high authority outside of the cult or community.

Satans are shameless when it comes to extorting and accumulating money which is a very important part of some religious cults.

Religious societies that are genuinely practising and spreading spirituality also harbour these satans because they are always disguised as “saints” and even the people with high spiritual achievements are unable to identify them and even if they happen to

identify them they still allow them to remain at those positions believing that the spiritual practices will eventually cleanse their consciousness and being a part of the society will be worth it.

The purpose of this blog is to make people aware that not everything that glitters is gold.

People coming from dysfunctional families have very low self-esteem, are codependent, thrive on outer validation, are filled with self-doubt, are a people pleaser, feel the need to be controlled by someone, lack personal boundaries, and are vulnerable to abuse and manipulation. They are magnets to narcissists, psychopaths, and sociopaths and therefore can easily fall prey to such “fake spiritualists”, who can not only cause the destruction of their material life but also of their spiritual life which can be so serious that it can shake one’s faith in spirituality and God.

This blog doesn't condemn admitting bad people in spiritual communities, because after all we all are, to some extent ill on the spiritual level and need to be treated by the love of God, and evil people are more in need of this. But the problem is that just to make an easy propagation of mission and easy way of getting headcount the authorities should not allow some "talented and Charing" people to hold high authority. Of course, some talents are needed in propagating a message but the real things like "Character" and "morals" should never be undermined. The authority figures should train themselves to be able to recognize the difference between good and bad and last but not least, the "God" and the "goodness" should always be above the "cult's growth" and "popularity".

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32 Simple Reasons Why Someone is Not Texting You Back.

Everyone has to face this from time to time, not getting a reply to a text message. But people with low self-esteem or mental health conditions find this extremely difficult to handle. Not getting a reply seems like an attack on our worth. People pleasers feel a deep sense of guilt for not being enough for getting a reply. A checked message when not replied works as validations of our low self-worth and the thoughts that follow because of anxiety and depression can worsen them, throwing us into a cycle of sadness and worry. An entitled person on the other hand might perceive it as a threat and get into a rage and take offend.

The various negative thoughts that cross our minds are like, do they hate me? Am I boring? Are they ignoring me? Am I worthless? Did I write something that offended them? Are they taking revenge on one of the texts I couldn’t reply because of the slow internet last month? Did someone pit them against me? Did they die in an accident? If they are angry? and so on.

Well! Let me tell you all the possible reasons why people don’t reply to messages, so that next time you don’t get a text-back, save your emotional energy and just know that it’s just one of these:-

Their toddler accidentally checked the message and it's marked "read" now and they don’t even know that you have sent a msg.
Their kid accidentally deleted the message, and again they're unaware of it.
They checked the message but really really don’t have time to type the reply.
They checked the message but completely forgot to reply because replying to you is very low on the list of their priorities for the day.
They don’t like you and are not interested in a conversation.
They hate you, stop texting them.
They don’t dislike you but find your messages very boring.
They don’t know what to write in reply, they are still thinking of a reply.
They value it so much they want to send a perfect reply and are thinking of it.
They are so excited and overwhelmed by your text that they feel nervous while replying.
They got a new mobile phone and your contact is not saved yet, put on a photo DP and get a reply.
Their battery is dead.
Their phone is stolen and the thief received the message.
They deleted your msg after reading and want to secretly reply to the message because there is someone in the house they fear.
They don’t know who you are, or they forgot you over the time.
They don’t reply to the contacts not saved on their phone, introduce yourself first before sending them a message.
They are being forced by someone to not reply.
They don’t want anyone else to read the reply except you, so they will reply in person.
Their mobile keyboard has some issues.
They have a network problem in their location.
They are logged off from messaging app to avoid someone else, not you.
They are extremely upset over something you did to them or said to them in the message.
They are going through something in life and don't have time for checking the phone.
They are too depressed or mentally ill and don’t feel like getting into a conversation with anyone, reach out to them personally.
They are going through something they do not want people to know therefore they are not replying to keep themselves isolated.
They don’t want to offend you with the reply they want to send.
Their internet pack expired today.
Their phone has issues.
They are in hospital with someone.
They are hospitalized for their illness.
They met with an accident.
They are dead.

So, these are the reasons why I myself didn’t reply to people over the period of 20 years of mobile usage in my own life. Please share in the comment sections what are the other reasons for which you have not replied to people or think that they have not replied to you.

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Also read:-

What love is, what it's not!

Trauma bonding : How your brain fools you into thinking that you are in love.

9 tips for surviving this valentine's without love from outside.

How to know if someone has a crush on you!

20 Things Narcissists say when they are gaslighting you.

This is why having a baby won't save a failing marriage.

14 Reasons why narcissists hide in religious communities.

Top 32 Reasons why people don’t text back!

Smear Campaign: This is why people love your abuser while they hate you!

Panic Attack: Simplified for the layman.

This could be the reason why you are an exhausted soul.

Difference between Fear and Anxiety.

Do this to control your anger towards your kids.

What’s wrong with abusive men?

17 ways to identify a controlling manipulative friend?

14 signs you have a controlling spouse or partner.

14 Reasons why women are unable to leave abusive relationships?

No, You are not crazy! You are Being Gaslighted.

8 Things narcissists do to control your social life

17 Subtle signs a woman is romantically interested in your partner.

This will happen if you idealize your abusive parents.

24 Jan 2021

This is why people love your abuser while they hate you!

Don’t you find yourself often being overtaken by a strong sense of crippling self-doubt whenever you think of the fact that everybody loves your abuser while they hate or if jot hates then at least dislike you?

Doesn’t this sense of crippling self-doubt becomes even stronger when your abuser tells you that you are not worthy of love and deserve to be hated not just by him/her but everyone else including your people(family and friends)?

In spite of all this reassurance from people and your abuser, disguised as a loved one, don’t you still have a very strong gut feeling that tells you that “You are not as bad as they believe”?

Well! If all of this or most of this happening to you then you are very likely being a victim of manipulative tactics known as “Smear Campaign”.

A smear campaign is a planned attempt to malign a group or an individual aimed at undermining their credibility by spreading lies and twisted truths among people. This term comes from the field of politics. But nowadays this term is also being used in the field of psychology.

What is “Smear Campaigning” in relationships?

Smear campaigning in abusive relationships is defined as a planned attempt made by an abuser to ruin his/her victim’s social image by spreading rumors and presenting twisted facts among people in a close circle like family, friends, and colleagues to rob the victim of his/her social support so that the abuser a keep going on with the abuse more conveniently and smoothly without any hindrance from society in the form of social support. Being treated unfairly by society and being invalidated by the abuse, makes a victim doubt his/her own sense of reality and thus give oneself a second guess while giving the benefit of doubt to the abuse.

How is it done?

In order to keep the victim weak, helpless, and hopeless about ever thinking of taking a stand for herself against the abuser, he keeps running a smear campaign against the victim. In some cases, this happens in an ongoing relationship while in other cases this starts after there is a breakup/divorce/separation depending upon the character and moral values of the abuser.

It can happen in any type of relationship, both by males and females in romantic relationships, marriages, and even in parent-child relationships. This is most common in intimate partner relationships and has been mostly reported by women being the victim.

Here is how you can identify a smear campaign being run against you or someone. Following are some smear tactics that abusers use:

Examples of “smear tactics”:

They provoke you to tell them, anything that ever hurts you about your loved ones and then use this information, later on, to pit them against you.
They read your messages and emails to understand your relationship dynamics with others and present them with twisted truths that will damage your relationship with them.
They observe what is required of you or what is disliked about you by certain people and then use this knowledge while giving discrete information to them about you that will damage your reputation.
They put a lot of effort in hiding the good deeds that you do in private that if some people get to know about, then they will be highly impressed or feel grateful for you.
They share the credits for your achievements that come out in public in front of you without your conscience and take the entire credit behind your back, as you are not there to defend.
They take whole credits for teamwork done by both of you, behind your back and in rare cases in front of you if you are too timid or too scared.
They blame your parenting for any real or perceived shortcomings in children and act as concerned parents behind your back
Whisper or stay silent about your good qualities and sacrifices that you make for your family.
Shout aloud any mistakes or shortcomings you have as a family member sometimes even when you have them because of extreme cases like a serious illness.
They present half and twisted information to people about you, like telling people that you didn’t cook for him and kids today, and hiding the rest of the information that you were severely ill today and he didn’t provide you and kids anything to eat.
Blaming you for reaching late or being absent at social meetings.
Blaming the responsibilities he has because of you which are stopping him from achieving something at the workplace, and other places where he is required to.
Making it difficult for you to stay in touch and visit your loved ones and blaming you directly on their face for not keeping in touch.
Stopping you directly or in subtle ways to do favors for your loved ones while doing them himself to prove that he cares more than you.
Using your mail and messengers to reply on your behalf and then deleting them.
Spreading unnecessary lies about you here and there just to maintain the smear.
The abuser also keeps tight control on you about the time you spend with these people he is pitting against you while making sure he is mostly present when you socialize with them to make sure that you don’t ruin the campaign he is running.

When people have a set of information that consists of a huge number of lies that tell bad things about you as compared to the tiny amount of truth that tells them what you are then they are not much at fault about how they perceive you. After all, they too are being used as a pawn for the psychological game abuser is playing with you and them.

Take care of yourself and reach out to a trusted person who is not a common friend and try to keep them away from your abuser as much as possible. This will bring validation to your suffering and lessen self-doubt. This will be the first step to acknowledge and understand what's going on with you and will clear the fog giving you some clear understanding of what needs to be done next for the best.

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23 Jan 2021

Panic Attack: Simplified for the layman.

You might have heard that people who suffer from mental illness are likely to suffer from panic attacks, especially those who have some kind of anxiety disorder. However, panic attacks can be faced by completely normal humans also during situations of extreme stress like appearing for an exam, getting confronted for wrongdoing, a medical emergency, etc.

What is a panic attack?

A panic attack is a distinct period of intense physical, emotional, and psychological discomfort.

Symptoms:-

The standard symptoms that occur during a panic attack are as follows:-

Very fast heartbeats during which you can feel the contraction of muscles of your heart.
Sweating.
Uncontrollable shaking or trembling of the body.
Difficulty breathing or shortness of breath.
Feelings of choking.
Pain or any kind of discomfort in the chest.
Feeling nauseated or discomfort and pain in the abdomen.
Feeling dizzy, unsteady, light-headed, or faint.
Sudden feelings of cold or hot sensations in your body.
Feeling numb or tingling sensation in body parts.
Feelings of unreality(derealization) or feeling detached from oneself(depersonalization).
Fear of “Going Crazy” or losing control.
Fear of dying.

Any four out of above stated thirteen symptoms confirm a panic attack.

How to confirm if it is a “Panic Attack”?

A panic attack comprises of any four of these thirteen symptoms, which occur suddenly from a calm state or an anxious state( a state in which someone already is fearful and worried about something). These symptoms develop and reach a peak within 10 minutes and then subside over a period of few minutes to about half an hour or up to an hour in rare cases.

I wrote the description given by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, in simplest English so that even non-English speaking people can understand it well.

What causes a panic attack?

A panic attack can be triggered by stress caused by:-

A trigger(thought or sight of a person, place, or situation that someone fears or worries about) OR
Without any trigger or reason(when someone suffers from panic disorders)

If you think you or someone you know is suffering from this mental health issue called “panic attacks” please reach out for help.

The contents of this blog are for informational purposes only and, are not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Please seek the advice of a qualified mental health professional with any questions you have regarding a medical health condition.

Reference: American Psychiatric Association, Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th ed. (Arlington, VA: American Psychiatric Publishing, 2013).

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